Monday, February 27, 2006

Please Note: When Cruising, Go Easy on the Crack

OH GEORGIE!

Georgios Kyriacos Panayiotou (aka - George Michael - who knew that wasn't his real name?!) was arrested this weekend in the "Rose Garden" area of Hyde Park in London on drug charges. The Rose Garden is a wooded area that is known for it's "pansies" (ok...so it's the cruising spot... DC peeps...think P Street Beach).

Ok...so Georgie was cruising...he's gay...nothing wrong with that...but it gets worse! Georgie was so high/drunk/drugged/etc. that he was found slumped over the wheel of his car! I'm sorry..but I must just point out that this is not the most attractive position to be in when cruising...

Better luck next time!

Friday, February 24, 2006

What an Annoying Show

So, apparently some syndicated morning show called The Daily Buzz discussed our blog yesterday. Neither of the PoliBois have ever seen the show, and we also do not know anyone else who has. It appears to be a news show for the ADD generation. Basically it is broadcast from some guy's basement and includes three frat buddies and the girl they all screw. (Sadly enough, the girl makes even Katie Couric seem smart.) Our show was mentioned by the gay co-host, Clayton. We've never seen the segment we were mentioned in and we really do not care to either.

Well, thanks for the exposure Clayton! Hopefully we did not just alienate all three viewers of your show that you sent our way. As a courtesy we posted a link to your show's website on our blog, so hopefully you can get them all back safe and sound.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Your Mom is a Sissy Making Machine

Scientists may have discovered the gene that causes people to be gay. The good news is, if you are gay it has nothing to do with you. The better news is, if you are gay you have something else to blame your mother for. And if you are Jewish and gay, you even get the better news that you get to add extra guilt to the conversation next time you talk to your mother.

Why?!

Scientists believe that gayness is caused by a chromosome that changes due to a mother's DNA when a baby is developing inside of her. At least that is what I gathered from the story.

Mostly, I am just happy I get to blame mother for something else. Anything to leverage a few extra dollars from the woman is good enough for me.

"Bitch you made me gay! Now send a check. Gurl needs her Prada!"

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Boy Who?

Perhaps it is a steep generational gap, but is Boy George still relevant to anyone? Oh wait, he is friends with Rosie O'Donnell... I guess I just answered my own question.

Well, if anyone cares apparently he is against gay marriage...gw;elmhwrh;./....

Oh, shit! I totally just fell asleep at the keyboard trying to relay his message. Good thing my boss was walking by and was kind enough to tap me on the shoulder to wake me up. Fuck. She wants to know why a picture of Boy George is on my computer.

I feel like such a loser.

Meet the New Secretary of Homeland Security

President Bush held an emergency press conference to announce that Secretary of Homeland Security, Michael Chertoff, will be stepping down from his position at the end of this month. Bush stated that Chertoff is leaving the administration to spend more time with his family. Many speculate that his departure is due to Katrina-fatigue.

Not wasting any time, Bush also announced in the same press conference that he will nominate Osama Bin Laden to replace Chertoff as Secretary of Homeland Security.

Bush explained his choice by saying, "Osama knows where the holes are in our national security, so I believe he is the best man to plug them."

Bush also told the press that he could not find any other American willing to do the job. Bin Laden has a good working relationship with the United Arab Emerites' company that is expected to run America's ports. The ports represent a vulnerable point in US national security.

Bush's pick alarmed and surprised Democrats and many in his own party who criticized Bin Laden's nomination.

Bush responded to his critics by stating, "This is the best choice for national security. I will veto any senator or congressman that disagrees with me right out of office."

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

There's a War Going On?

Health care crisis? Immigration problems? Competition with China? Iraq war? Iran? North Korea? Katrina clean-up? NAH!

When it comes to the issues, the Senate is focused on only one thing: Distraction. And what better way is there to distract from the real issues than waving a burning rainbow flag? When it comes to avoiding their own incompetence, the Senate knows just who to scapegoat: THE GAYS!

That's right, Bill "I had a real shitty year" Frist is making sure that the Senate focuses on important business this year by bringing an anti-gay marriage amendment to the floor in June. Way to go Fristy! At this rate, by next century we should have a plan for getting out of Iraq, right?

Sanctity of Adoption

"The gays are coming! The gays are coming!" And they want to eat your babies. YUMMY!

In an effort to ensure the rate of abortions increases, radical conservatives in the US are planning ballot initiatives to ban gay adoptions in some states in an effort to drive their rabid friends to the ballot box in the next election cycle.

Maybe if the breeders stopped their inane practice of over-birthing in our country we would not have this problem in the first place. Here they go again trying to lay the blame on us when we attempt to solve their problems. First they reject our fashion advice (check out the ladies in the picture on the right), and now this?!

Bitches.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Gays Are Expensive

Your tax dollars at work: A private study finds that the anti-gay "don't ask, don't tell" policy cost taxpayers and the United States Military $363.8 million over 10 years. The policy became law in 1993 under the Clinton administration. The figure is almost double the estimate the government forecasted.

At least we know discrimination is costly to everyone now. That is one expensive sodomy reduction program.

Too Much Jesus Juice is Bad


Just as Michael Jackson learned, Bishop V. Gene Robinson (the gay NH one) has recently discovered that too much "Jesus Juice" can actually be a bad thing. Or perhaps he is just your average gay guy. Robinson is now in a treatment center for alcoholism. This certainly reminds me of that old saying, "You can take the gay bishop out of the bar, but you can't take the bar out of the gay bishop."

So even if you do put on that funny pointy hat you are not that much different than the rest of us Gene, are you?

Gay Pride!

Monday, February 13, 2006

Conservatives Eat Their Own. We Love the Nature Channel.

It seems conservatives are beginning to make the same mistake that Democrats continue to make: They are eating their own.

This past weekend conservatives met for an annual conference in Washington, DC and freaked out at former Rep. Bob Barr for actually questioning the legality of Bush's domestic wiretapping program and for standing up for the true principles of the conservative movement. It appears that the love conservatives have for Bush supersedes their love for morals and principles. They just cannot seem to get enough Bush. I mean, they were just eating it up at this convention. They could not believe any good conservative would question the great Bush!

Perhaps Barr cannot appreciate good Bush (rhetoric) when he sees it, but you gotta hand it to the guy for abandoning Bush for good conservative principles. And this is the guy that licks whipped cream off tits at charity events and obsessed over Clinton's sex life. Way to go Barr!

Catholics Hate Vaginas!

Catholic Universities are on a mission to ban the Vagina Monologues from their campuses. Those who endorse banning the show do not believe it represents Catholic vaginas, or the Catholic vagina experience in the least.

Those who are not rigid Catholics realize that the show is truly about ending violence against women and embracing women in our culture.

Oddly enough, the Prick Monologues, which includes stories about priests and little boys, is expected to debut on campuses next year.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

HIV-Discrimination Law Relaxed for Gay Games

The Gay Games that will be held in Chicago this summer have been granted special exemption from an immigration law that bans people with HIV from entering the United States. The original law was passed into law after being pushed by Republicans in 1993.

Of course, we are a compassionate Christian nation. I'm sure if Christ was in power back in his day he would have banned lepers from entering whatever country or territory he may have ruled, right? Well, maybe not.

A Speech Worth All it's Words

Today at the funeral of the great civil right leader and pioneer, Coretta Scott King, the Reverend Joseph Lowery gave a speech that would have made Martin and Coretta proud. The speech spoke out against the war, racism and poverty. All President Bush could do as a member of the 10,000 person audience was nervously laugh at the end of the speech. How uncomfortable and dirty he must have felt.

Lowery and the Kings are people that we should all aspire to be. Speak truth to power, even with the purveyors of falsehoods are seated politely behind you.

If only we could have this same respect for truth and freedom in our own movement...

See the video at Crooks and Liars here: http://www.crooksandliars.com/2006/02/07.html#a7056

Monday, February 06, 2006

Knock Some Sense into These People

This is not a gay-related post, but please bear with me.

I have become increasingly angry while reading reports in recent days about some Muslims' response to cartoons that include caricatures of Islam's Prophet Muhammad. Some Muslims are insulted by the cartoons and find they mock their beliefs and religion. This is a description of one of the cartoons that has touched off violence in the Muslim community around the world:
One depicted the prophet wearing a turban shaped as a bomb with a burning fuse.

For a world community and culture known for terrorism, it strikes me as ironic and predictable that this would be their response to a cartoon. Imagine what would happen if every Hollywood actor went on a rampage after reading something unglamorous about themselves in US Weekly? Even the radical Christian-right in the United States knows that the appropriate response is not violence when they see depictions of things that they believe mock their culture or beliefs.

One thing is clear from the news about the reactions to the cartoons, and that is that these people that are reacting violently are not ready for a democracy. Not only are they not ready, but they are probably not even capable of building a democracy.

Democracy can only flourish when you can afford everyone freedom of speech and thought, and when you can tolerate and even accept being offended. At the very least, democracy cannot flourish when violence is the response to offense. The only thing it seems like these people believe in is their own unrealistic moral superiority and the right to free violence.

Friday, February 03, 2006

Brad Wants to Be Gay

Brad Pitt wants a gay role, and he wants it now dammit!

It is reported that Brad Pitt is secretly shopping around for a gay role that will be edgy, but appeal to men and women alike. Sound familiar?

Well, we certainly have a role for you Brad. First things first, top or bottom? Then we can start filming right away. We like it edgy too...

They Didn't Get the Memo

Yes, we know anti-gay people are dumb. But who knew they were this stupid? (Okay, we secretly did.)

According to news reports, an anti-gay church will be picketing Fort Campbell (that would be a Military base for all you queens out there) today. The church claims that deaths in Iraq are the result of gay tolerance.

Actually, they are probably the result of crazy folks in Iraq that believe the Koran tells them to kill. Come to think of it, who else is crazy and gathers weird ideas from religious books? hrmmmm...

As we pointed out earlier this week, the church should also know that some deaths are actually caused by the fact that the Military is kicking out doctors because they are gay. Now that is something to protest.

More Reasons to Love Kanye

While doing my regular bathroom reading, I was happy to read the following from an interview with Kanye West in Entertainment Weekly:
EW: You have a history of speaking out, against President Bush, against the black community for what you say is a tradition of homophobia. Do you think you'll ever come out against all the ''bitches'' and the ''ho's'' in rap lyrics?

West: I'm not sure that's really my movement. I think in the daily life of a black male, we gay-bash way more than we disrespect women. We would call a gay guy a fag to his face. But if we walked up to a woman and said ''Aiight, bitch!'' we would know that was disrespectful. I remember five years ago I was in this clothing store in Greenwich Village with my old girlfriend. I said the word fag kind of loud and there were some gay dudes in the store. My girlfriend was like, ''Yo, c'mon, step into the new millennium.'' Well, my level of consciousness has since raised. And I actually think that standing up for gays was even more crazy than bad-mouthing the president. In the black community someone could label you gay and bring your career down. But that was me showing what black people are really about today, or at least what we need to be about.

EW: Did the inevitable whisperings about your own sexuality make you regret ever saying anything?

West: One of my friends said, ''Yo, I used to wear a College Dropout T-shirt and think that it was cool. But after you said that, I just stopped wearing it.'' When you stand up for any form of civil rights, you put yourself in the line of fire. But I feel like I'm here to change people's hearts and minds, to say something that's right for a change. And it goes all the way down the line, from telling people to stop being so cliché, to stop saying what you think your record label wants you to say, to stop giving drab acceptance speeches. Speaking from the heart is so much more entertaining.

We love you Kanye. Hell, I don't really like rap or own any of your albums, but I may start now! Thanks for joining the millennium.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Just Say No to Drugs Gays!

An eighteen year old who graduated from the New Bedford, MA junior police academy went on a rampage in a gay bar and police are now on the look-out for him. The junior academy is a program "intended to build social skills, self-esteem and self-confidence in children 12 to 14." Well, it seems to have failed in this case.

In horror movie fashion, the attack was described like this:
After finishing the drink and ordering a second one, [the bartender] said, the man moved to the back of the bar, watching a game of pool briefly before taking out a hatchet -- a small ax the size of a hammer, [the bartender] said. "He started swinging the hatchet on top of this customer's head," he said.

Three of the patrons have been hospitalized. Our prayers are with those wounded at Puzzles Lounge, the place of the attack.

Obviously they will never let a drag queen named Lizzie Borden into Puzzles to perform again.

Gays? No Way! Drugs? Okay!

While the United State Military continues to discharge soldiers who are found to be gay (even those with advanced degrees in medicine), a new policy at the Pentagon is allowing former criminals (including those with drug offenses) to join the fight against terrorism. A recent report by Salon.com finds that these recruits cause more behavioral problems for Military officers on the ground who are charged with leading troops.

So while writing to your gay boyfriend back home about how much you love him is an offense that qualifies you for getting kicked off the battlefield, apparently going into battle high as a kite is not. I am comforted to know that gang-bangers and drug dealers are out there defending my freedom.